How To Spot Dangerous Advice
Dangerous Advice – I’ve been thinking a lot lately about bad decisions and not just the bad decisions that other people have made, that maybe you have made, but the bad decisions that I’ve made.
And when I think about where they’ve come from, they tend to have a couple of common components.
First, you got someone in the transition period of their life. They don’t know what to do, they’re confused. And in that confusion, they go seeking advice. But unfortunately, the bad decision arises when they take the wrong advice. They listen to the wrong person.
Now, the thing is, this is avoidable and it should be obvious, but a lot of people don’t know who should I take advice from and how do I actually know which advice is bad before I try it.
So that’s what this article is about. If you’re in a transition period, it’s gonna be excellent for you or if you find yourself just bombarded with people in your life that are telling you what to do, this can help.
So here’s the first thing. When you’re considering who to take advice from, only ever take advice from people who are living the life you want in that particular field. Now it seems incredibly obvious, but all the time, maybe you’ve experienced this, maybe you’ve done this.
#1. Only take advice from people living the life you want
Have you ever gone to a friend asking for career advice from that friend that doesn’t have a career that you want, or you, guys, have seen this all the time, you got a girl’s number, “What should I text her?” I see you guys asking their buddies who have never had a successful girlfriend, you know, or texting someone that went well.
At that time, I just dreamed that I was going to move to Brazil, I was going to bring my friends, we’d hang out on the beach, we drink caipirinhas, and we’d find a way to pay for it all. It was kind of a selfish dream, but it was my dream at what? 23, 24 years old.
Only take advice from people who have the kind of life you desire – you’ll know because of what they’ve achieved, what the people who have followed their advice have achieved and what testing their recommendations proves.
And when I started talking to people about leaving, starting a business, across the board, everyone in my job, all of my friends, my family, said “Do not do it. That’s a ridiculous idea. It can’t be done.
Maybe when you’re 65, after you’ve earned it, and you’ve moved up, then you can do it.”
I want to tell you how I knew not to take that advice. First thing is when you’re trying to figure out if someone’s giving you a good advice is this–Look at them. You can see where their advice has taken them, and immediately, that ruled out the people that were giving me advice.
1a. Look where following their own advice has taken them
I looked around and I saw not bad people but the futures that I didn’t want. I saw the people around me and the company, and I didn’t want their job. I saw friends that were moving up in their companies, and, honestly, I didn’t want their path either.
Even my family, God bless them, I love them all, but I did not want to be a counselor like my mom or a salesman like my dad. I wanted this ridiculous dream of moving to Brazil and no one had done that.
So they were immediately removed. But, say, that even that was enough to convince you.
1b. Find the people who followed their advice and see how they are doing
The second thing that you can do is go to the people who have followed their advice and see what happened, right? If you’re trying to vet whether you should hire somebody, either in consulting or a business coach or anything like that, go to the people that they’ve worked with and ask them, “What has taken their advice done for you?” And in my own life, I applied this, right? I looked around–friends that are on this path, cousins that were a little bit older. It did not look like anything that I wanted for myself.
1c. Can you test the advice quickly?
So that, again, threw it out. This makes it very simple, but the third thing that’s gonna drive it home is, “Okay, maybe I’m willing to try this advice, but can I test it quickly?” And the answer for this, the advice that I was getting spent another year and a half in your job, go to MBA school for 2 to 3 years, then come back, lateral _ thing, and then, 10 years later, then you’ll, maybe, have enough money to go do this thing after your friends are all married and nobody wants to go to Brazil with you, which was not a testable subject.
And I hoped, purposely, I understand a lot of you have never seen me interact with another person. The only way I can talk to you is one to one on article.
So the way that I hoped that I build credibility with you is not through a college that I went to or a GPA or somebody saying that I’ve done a TED Talk or whatever that is. I hope that it’s by you, testing the things that I say and getting results.
Honestly, if you’re not doing that, then you’re not gonna get value out of the website. So, the third thing, can you test their advice quickly, if you can, you know what? Give it a shot, but that’s how to rule people out of your life.
And, unfortunately, for me, at this point in my life, I’ve ruled out every single person I knew. Nobody was living the life I knew. So I knew what not to do to get this Brazil dream, but I didn’t know what to do, and that’s where, thank god, the internet and books came in.
#2. Who have done it
You can get digital mentors and they are out there. So, if there’s something in your life; if you think it’s an impossible dream and you’re like me–you grew up in the suburbs, you don’t have a lot of people around you who have, maybe, done it before, get on the internet.
Find someone who has done it before. The 4-Hour Workweek, in this case, became my bible, became the guide that laid out, basically, the first year of the existence of the way that we were going to grow the company. And within that year, I picked up, I moved to Brazil.
When you have aspirations that no one around you has lived up to, you need to find a digital mentor. Get online, read a book, just find the person who has done it and study their path.
And I don’t just mean from a, here’s the website, I have to start here, so I have to get customers. I mean the mindsets. Oftentimes, that stuff is the most important. So if you guys have something in your life–I realized I’m talking generally–an area of your life, that maybe I can point you towards a resource that has helped me, write in the comments.
For getting out of your job, starting a business, great place to start 4-Hour Workweek, with other stuff, let me know, I can point you towards a good resource, but that’s steps 1 and 2– who not to follow, who to follow. The third thing is you’re a human being, right? And it is tough.
#3. Find friends who are supportive of your happiness, even if it means change
You feel schizophrenic when you’re the only one out there who has this vision of going to Brazil and everyone else thinks that you’re crazy. So what you need to do is find friends that, maybe, they don’t have a template to do it, but they’re supportive.
And the question that I recommend you ask yourself right now is which friends, family members, co-workers do I have that are genuinely invested in my happiness, even if it means I change.
Develop a circle of friends who are supportive of your happiness, even if that means change. Cut the ones that only want you in status quo
And which friends, family members, and co-workers do I have that are really only invested in keeping our relationship at status quo. And you’ll know this because the ones that want the status quo, whenever you start to change, even for the better, they shoot it down.
They tell you that you’re not really good at improv comedy and that it wouldn’t work out if you did that stand-up mic. Whatever it is, they tend to shoot it down.
The ones that are into change, that are invested in your happiness see you growing in a positive direction, going to the gym, and they give you praise for trying. They don’t have the path, necessarily, but they will get behind you.
Surround yourself with as many of those people as you can, and cut out the ones that do not want you to be happy unless it means you do not change anything. You won’t be happy, you will not change, and it will go to a bad place.
And it sucks when those people are close to you, but you have to limit it if you want to make a big change and take the right kind of advice. Those are the first three pieces.
#4. pick influences with booth a skillset and philosophy you admire
The fourth thing often gets missed on people, and it’s this. When you’re going through a big change in life, you’re not just absorbing a skillset, right? you’re starting to do the things that we say in other videos in terms of how to interact with people.
Yes, there’s a skillset there, but you are also absorbing a life philosophy, you’re absorbing that, yes, you can change your personality in a positive way. You can present yourself better and that’s not a bad thing to do. There are certainly people out there that it’s: one, impossible, and, two, immoral, right?
Pick teachers that have strong morals. You can’t learn a skill set without also picking up a life philosophy, so be careful who you let in
So you’re absorbing some kind of a life philosophy. I see this in marketing. People want to learn to get better, they go to go to a guy who’s a liar. And, yes, they get better marketing.
They sell stuff but they become liars in their writing in and in their life. So, personally, kind of had a very bad experience with this.
When I was younger, I was very shy, and the first place that I went, because this was the most frustrating part for me, to get over that shyness was to_ things like how do I get a girlfriend, and a huge thrust of that community at the time–Pick-up Artists Community–was Alpha and Beta, and I looked at it and went, “Crap, I’m beta.” You know, the way I’m doing this is going terribly.
And so, for probably a couple of weeks, even bordering on months, I started to try to not be that. That meant that I wouldn’t do people favors when they ask.
When they ask me to, “Hey, can you hold this for me?” I’d give them back talk or just ask or crack a joke. And so, over the course of a couple of weeks, sure, maybe some of the responses
I got from women who liked that kind of jerk guy went better, but that morality that I absorbed was becoming who I was, and thank god, I had someone I was on a trip to a museum and she just yelled at me in the middle of this museum for being such a jerk, the kind that snapped me out of it.
I went, “What am I doing? Is this how I want to be?”
So, ask yourself. Whenever you’re learning from anyone in business, in dating, relationships, whatever it is, when you’re in that transition period, you are receptive, and you are absorbing a life philosophy.
Do you want that life philosophy? Do you want, perhaps, the anger that they feel? Do you want the combative nature with which they view the world? Do you want the kind of scarcity that they feel around money? Do you want to make a buck at the expense of your integrity?
These are all questions you have to ask yourself, and I recommend that even if you do find somebody who’s effective and has done it, but they don’t match your morality and your ethics, then you let it go. It’s not worth it.
There’s so many good people out there that can lay you down the path that has a strong life philosophy and a good skillset, it’s just not worth it to go through the experience that I have of picking up these bad habits, and then, trying to tear them down, so that you don’t become a jerk.
So, I hope that that’s helpful in terms of advice, who to take it from, who to not. This was not intended to be the article that I did this week. In fact, this week has been incredibly interesting for me, that’s to say the least. I don’t want to tease you too much.
I’ve learned a ton and I’m really, really excited to share what happened this week, what you can take from it, because I think it’s perhaps one of the most important things I learned.
But I didn’t do it because I haven’t wrapped my head around it totally yet, and I don’t want to come out of the gun, teach you guys some things that I haven’t fully integrated myself.
So, be on the lookout for that. I’m hopeful that in the next week or two I’ll have something very, very good and exciting for you guys on Website, of course.
Also, Game of Thrones, a new breakdown coming. Muhammad Ali, rest in peace, somebody I should have done way before he died, but for all the articles that came in, I want to do one of him.
So if you’re interested in all of that, hopefully, in the next few weeks, make sure to bookmarks to the website. I’m really excited for what’s coming in the next few weeks.
Of course, if you have any comments about things that you’d like to learn, advice that you would like in certain areas, or gurus that I can point you to where I don’t have the answers, I will try to point you in the right direction in the comments. And, of course,
I hope that you’ve learned something here. I hope that you are testing the advice that I am giving you and finding it worthwhile, because if not, shame on you, you need to do that or get off the website, but I hope that you’re enjoying this and I’m looking forward to seeing you in the next article.